• You have to take an important exam in the morning
Oh boy, you are exhausted from all the studying you did the whole day because of an important exam you need to pass. This could go both ways: you could impress the girl, leading her to believe that you are in law school or even med school, or you’re a twenty-eight year old undergrad. Regardless, relationship averted.
• Do not use your own phone to make calls
This way they won’t have your phone number, therefore also would not be able to send you text messages twelve times a day before you have the chance to send a response. You can get your booty call without the post nuisances.
• Change your status to “in a relationship with” on Facebook
Create a dummy Facebook account if you are not fortunate enough to have a real cool lady friend. After a few clicks of the mouse button, that girl you hooked up with from a one night stand website will call her therapist after she reads this from her newsfeed.
• Tell her you’re moving far away
This move is plain, simple and direct to the point. You don’t want to take the relationship further because it will hurt more than it already does, knowing you won’t be seeing each other everyday. She’ll take it all in and fall over you for the rest of the last day you are together as long as you promise to call if ever you are in town. This may even book you a booty call at her place in the future. A good disguise is key in the first few weeks.
• You are gay
Let her know you can’t get over Tom Brady’s round behind after seeing a game of the Patriots last night. You may get a freebie from this if the girl attempts to “straighten you out.” Just nonchalantly shrug and say sorry after making your big confession. She’ll just sympathetically look into your gay eyes, kiss you in the forehead and leave without making much of a fuss about it.
• Insult her best friend
One that is worthy to be called a douchebag move, lay it on the unfortunate looking best friend. Bring out your goodie bag of insults and take it all out on the best friend. She’ll most likely walk away after speaking her mind. Just be prepared to dodge possible swinging fists.
• Simply disappear
This has garnered a number of monikers after being done throughout the years—The Tuck and Roll, The Vanishing Man, The Fade Away. Sadly enough for these women, this will make them fall in love with you and mourn your untimely and sudden death, which they assume is the only reason for your unexplained disappearance.
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