One of our lovely readers asks:
Doctor, I am recently single, after 10 years of marriage, and 3 years of courtship before that. I have been lucky enough to immediately found love in one of my coworkers. I’d thought my friends would be happy for me, but I’ve gotten more “bewares” than I care for. I think they’re just jealous that I’ve found new love so quickly. What do you think? Please give me new relationship advice.
Thirteen years is a long time to be in a relationship. Whatever the circumstances of your divorce, from the moment your husband set foot out of your home, it should have been important for you to close that chapter in your life thoroughly…and that my dear, takes time. There is no recipe, no specific amount of days you need to wait, but it seems to me like you have rushed into that new relationship; and that’s probably why your friends are so apprehensive about this.
Often, an unhappy marriage leaves you feeling uncared for. When you suddenly find the attention you’ve been longing for, for so long, it’s inevitable to feel totally dazzled by it. This feeling of novelty can very easily be mistaken for love…you wouldn’t be the first or last person in the world to make this mistake.
Only time will tell if your feelings are true or if you’re just on the rebound. For now, all I can advise is to try and take things slowly and not make any important decisions concerning your new lover (example: moving in together, marriage, etc). Just try to enjoy the new found attention to heal your past wounds.
As for your friends, don’t be too harsh on them. It seems like they only have your best interest in mind…and true friends will speak their mind if they think you’re messing up. Those who stand by and watch you fail miserably, don’t deserve to be called friends.